No. Non. Nein. Niet.
Shit shit shit shit.
I’m totally beating myself up over this. 😦
But I promise its not because I’m lazy or I’m just giving up after less than a week. I mean, my God, I would never forgive myself for being that weak.
And, I suppose, its technically not an activity free day, but at about a minute and a half, it might as well be. /insert scowl and self-abusive thoughts/
The reason it happened, or rather didn’t happen, was because as I was on the Sky Glider, I had this huge head rush and had the weird sensation which is like feeling/hearing water rushing through my head and I immediately stopped. I sat down and waited to feel better. It didn’t take long, but I was too scared to get back to the workout.
You see, as of last year, I learned to take the head-rush-strange-feeling combo as a warning, which is what it is. Its a warning that I’m going to pass out. Before I realized this, I had only passed out once, when I was 12 and went trick-or-treating with what we thought was a bad cold, but after I fell on the staircase leading to the door of a mansion that belonged to a client of my mother’s (I am the proud daughter of a former housekeeper) my father took me to the ER the next day and it turned out I had a pretty bad case of pneumonia. Bad enough to be hospitalized, but I wasn’t, because I begged my dad not to sign the papers, and so he took care of me at home. (As a side note, my dad worked his butt off for like three weeks when this happened, because I was so weak I couldn’t even get out of bed without help, and the day after he took me to the ER, my mom severely sprained her ankle at work, so he was playing nurse for both of us with the very unwilling help of my little brother) That pneumonia also scarred my lungs, which makes it hard to work out because I can’t breathe properly. Its a problem.
Anyway, until last year, I had forgotten what it felt like immediately before passing out.
Last year, I went home to Missouri for a little over a month to help my mom, because one day in January she had called me to say my Nana had cancer and then the next day, she called again to tell me that my dad also had cancer. It was a really bad month, needless to say. While I was home, my Nana had a surgery to cut out part of her colon. I was not getting much sleep and I went to see her in the hospital and it upset me greatly, and then I was at the house working nonstop doing everything to avoid just sitting and breaking down. I went to the kitchen to get dinner, and the warning came but I didn’t know it for what it was, and then I was on my back in the floor. One ambulance ride, two Valium and some kind of shot for pain, a CT scan of my head and some facial stitches later, I was back at my Nana’s house looking like I’d been in a bar-fight (My chin was badly bruised, my tooth was chipped, my lip was busted, and I was sporting a few stitches under my lip. I had fallen forward first, hitting my face on the counter causing me to bite through my skin.) The plus side was that I now knew the warning signs so that if it happened again, at least I wouldn’t break myself that badly.
This is the scar I have from that incident. It doesn’t show up as vividly in bad lighting (i.e. this picture) but I’m very self-conscious about it, and my lipstick always looks a little lopsided now. The scar won’t let me forget what happened, and neither will the ambulance bill that I’m paying off more than a year after it happened.
In short, these days when I get the warning sign, I stop what I’m doing and sit my ass down. So combine that with my fear of dying during a workout, and you get me, sitting in my chair, reading a book, and grumbling.
I tried to find the stupid weights of John’s (my fiance) so I could at least do something, but I can’t find them. /bangs head/
But I guess it might not be so bad. All I’ve eaten today was a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast/lunch, 2 packages of fruit snacks (100 calories each) for a snack, and a small bowl of home-made soup for dinner. So it could definitely be worse. But I’m still pissed off about it, even if it was for my own safety. 😡